the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
