she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
