Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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