Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
there was a trapeze. enough said
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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