I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
