Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
