I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
This toilet bowl is my home.
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