My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
