grandma shit on top of the toilet
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
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