i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
