i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
