You work out of a Hotel?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
