Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
