i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
