Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
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