She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Randomize
