shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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