Cold hands, warm shart.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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