Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
