HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
