I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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