His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
