apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
