He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
