That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
