Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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