In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
