we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
