Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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