Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
