I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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