If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
