haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
