I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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