What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
My butt remains clenched, sir.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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