zippers are such a cool invention
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
It's official drugs can't kill me
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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