And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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