ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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