i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
