Your mouth is God's brothel.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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