Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
