he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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