too bad you live with your parents still
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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