Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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