Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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