Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
