Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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