ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
