all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
