Don't make out with my wife yet
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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