my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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