He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
